you guys, i’m famous!!!

Well, kinda. I’m in this video, and I even have a line.  Also I have to say, I heard these lines a few times while it was being filmed, but watching it back I’m still laughing.

Cool English Teacher

Next up, Shawshank Redemption 2: Let’s Go To Baja!

Bonus: if you look in the comments, people are talking about my rack. girls FTW!

why, oh why did I have to be poor on Valentine’s Day?

Because this would have been perfect.

It is pink, and has lace and bows, and they even make it in my size, which is always a struggle for Victoria’s Secret (where I jacked this picture from). But I say there’s never a bad time to have smoking hot underpinnings, so I ordered it.

No really, this is going to be interesting!

The questions on everyone’s mind: how is that calf so toned, and where did that bruise come from?

The answer to the first question is brownies and ice cream. The answer to the second question is, in general terms, grace and poise. In specific terms, the answer is lean back too far in your desk chair.

Seriously. Bring them with you.

This is for the people I know that will not take any items of value with them when they go out.   Friday night, I was traipsing around NYC with an iPhone, wallet, keys, and laptop till early morning hours, and none of these things were lost or stolen.   I don’t feel that this says something about  my character as much as it does about the fact that, really, you’re not going to lose anything that will make you significantly poorer or homeless.  If you do, you’ll go to lengths to get it back anyway.  So next time you tell me to leave the door unlocked because you don’t want to bring your keys with you because you’re afraid you’ll lose them, guess what? I’m afraid of being raped and/or burgled.  Take your phone and keys with you.

Aren’t you cold?

What I don’t get is this:

People choose to run outside, in freezing cold and snow, in shorts, and flimsy nylon ones at that. They couldn’t even pick up a nice wool cable knit pair for the occasion. Can anyone enlighten me as to what the benefit of running in shorts is regardless of the weather?

He’s got those socks good and pulled up though, so that’s something.

puddle crime syndicate

    My favorite part about winter in New York:

The slushy puddles all band together and try to prevent anyone from crossing the street, ever.  Sometimes they get really into it and creep over the curbs and wrap around the corners.  It’s intense, and coincidentally, makes it really hard to walk anywhere to get lunch.

Obama>>>>>Clinton

Because he (or his staff) is 1337.  Or at the very least, into Web 2.0.

I am already doing poorly in Partial Differential Equations

And my only hope is that TV moment where I write something totally nonsensical on my problem set, and I turn it in and it happens to be genius and I don’t have to take classes anymore.

the story of the first class I dropped this semester

So, for what I will call my Intro to Boredom class, the required book was not available in the bookstore, but was a course reader that had to be ordered from a website (which wasn’t terrible because it was only about $50). Now, this was the beginning of the semester, so I had no cash money (still don’t), only the “flex dollars” that you can use to buy things on campus. The professor had mentioned vaguely in an email that the first set of pages could be downloaded from the website for free, sans cost, but I looked for these free pages and found nothing. So I sent an email to the professor (who shall be referred to as Professor Blumpkin):

Hello Professor Blumpkin,

I have not yet acquired the course reader for intro to boredom, because I always depend on Flex dollars to buy my books and probably won’t have enough money to buy the reader in time to finish the current problem set. You said in a previous email that we could view the first few pages of the reader online; however, I have not been able to see these pages through the website. Is there some other workaround I could use so I can do the problem set? Any help would be appreciated.

Thank you,
Casey Johnston

How he should have responded:

Dear Casey,

I am sorry that you are stricken with poverty. I have started a foundation for your cause, but in the meantime, please come to my office, have a cup of tea, and use my copy of the course reader. I will help you with any questions. Alternatively, if you are an extremely busy and involved individual (which I have no doubt you are, you go-getter!), I will have the first twenty pages copied and will bring them to the next class. Rest easy, Casey Johnston; as your professor, I am here only to assist in the great quest of enlightment in the ways of Boredom.

Peace and love,

Professor Blumpkin

How he actually responded:

(no greeting whatsoever)

Please contact the vendor and ask them about downloading the 40 free pages.
You should also know that this reader costs less than half of last year’s book. Not spending the small amount necessary to benefit from this class is a bad choice financially and otherwise.

Sincerely,
I.M. Blumpkin

Excuse me. Did I, at any point, say I never planned to buy the stupid reader? Did I, at any point, complain about the total cost of the reader? Did I? No, I said I AM POOR, PLZ HELP ME, and he shat on my poorness and said NO ONE IS TOO POOR FOR MY GLORIOUS COURSE READER. BUY IT, OR KILL YOURSELF. What a jerk. Seriously. Furthermore, I corresponded with the vendor, as Blumpkin recommended, and got this response:

Hi Casey,

Thanks for your e-mail. Unfortunately, due to copyright restrictions, you must first purchase the reader before you can access the 20% PDF download. As soon as your order is placed on our website, you will see a link to the downloadable material, and will also receive a back-up e-mail with a copy of the link.

Best,
Sharilyn

So those “free” pages? Not so free. They only cost $50, the same price as what it costs to buy the book. Big help, Blumpkin, you’re quite a  guy.

Solution: DROP.

so f***ing FIERCE

Victorya’s face during the whole Project Runway reunion show:

sourpuss!

Furthermore, I will love Christian Siriano until the day I die. Hilarious.